I am the soul that lives within!

This song by India Arie is on top of my list right now. The lyrics are so cool.
'I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expectations....I am the soul that lives within.' It totally blew me away when I heard it for the first time. Now I can't stop listening to it. Right after that is 'Hey there Delilah' by Plain White T's. Been humming that for a few days now. I'm also listening to Tokio Hotel which is totally different (very emo) but some of their stuff like 'Monsoon', 'Don't jump' and '1000 oceans' are very listenable. Anyway, as usual Linkin Park basically beats everything else at every conceivable level.


I've had quite an unusual weekend. I attended three church services. That's way more than how many I've attended in the past few months. I went to a confirmation service which seems to be an even bigger torture now than when I got confirmed. Honestly, I've got nothing against poeple pledging themselves to the Christian way of life. Only, I don't think boring and/or starving 15 or 16 year olds to death by making them sit in church for more than five hours (I kid you not) and then making off with the cash from your auctioned bouquet(which was given to you in the first place) is a great way to initiate them into the church. The Good Friday sermon was good. The Easter sermon put me to sleep. I will most probably be attending something similar to a service again tomorrow when my cousin's getting engaged.


Really, all this going to church isn't improving my soul at all. I know what Easter is, I can comprehend the enormity and the horror of what happened during the crucifixion, I understand the gravity of commiting yourself to a way of life but none of this really affects me anymore. The church sadly, is riddled with politics and corruption like all other organisations making a considerable profit. To a person who is already trying to come to grips with her own tenuous beliefs, this is just disillusioning.


I'm not very religious. I don't pray much, I don't attend church regularly, the Bible is just another book on my shelf and I don't always do the right thing. I think in scriptural terms that equates to 'Behold, you have sinned.'
These days, the things which really inspire me and make me feel that God exists has nothing to do with the church and everything to do with nature and the inherent goodness in people. I think one small act of unexpected kindness, one sunset, one star-studded sky, one smile even, is worth more than all the best sermons you can subject me to in this lifetime.