The best parts of a newspaper

My mother has this habit of pointing out articles in the newspaper which will help me survive life, like articles about the evils of networking sites, higher education which I’ll never pursue, divorce, crime, health, crime, tips to pass exams, crime, how to increase my IQ, crime…you get the point.

I actually found a newspaper supplement on how to beat stress during exams on my table a couple of days back. Firstly, I am in college. It’s not the exams which stress me out, it’s everything else. Secondly, mom! You don’t leave stuff like that on my table where anyone can see it! Thank you!

So I dutifully read all the tips for a perfectly boring life because it means a lot to her. She’s a good mom, you know. Protect your daughter from cyber stalkers and feed her healthy stuff even if she refuses to eat it, tell her to clean her room, glare formidably when she acts like a stubborn ass and all that. So the ritual leaving of newspapers on my bed, my table and anywhere where it’s likely to intrude on my line of sight is her way of saying ‘I care’.
Or is it, ‘You better have the sense to not get into a load of trouble’?
Oh wait, it could even be, ‘Obey your mom. The Bible says the consequences will be messy if you’re not going to read that article about education in the US even if we’re never going to send you there.’

I know why she does this. It’s because she has no faith that I would voluntarily read any of this. And she doesn’t think the comic strips or the TV schedule are newsworthy materials. I disagree with her. I think they’re the best parts of a newspaper. She has her own guilty secrets though. She likes celebrity gossip, especially when there’s divorce involved because she can then point it out to me as a life lesson on the evils of…well, divorce.

So my mom and I have this awesome mother-daughter thing going on, as you can see. She just walked out of the room because I refused to let her read this. Ah, motherly love. Nothing like it.